Fifteen
One of my favorite songs lately is “Fifteen” by Taylor Swift. She’s truly an amazing songwriter and when I listen to that song I feel like I go back in time to when I was fifteen. You know, so often as I’ve gotten older I look at teenagers and see all their potential and how much life and choice they still have ahead of them. But when I listen to that song I remember that despite how it looks now, it was not easy then.
This is particularly brought home to me lately, as some family members are struggling through a very challenging time and I’m so reminded of my family’s problems when I was a teenager and realize how much they affected me then and continue to shape how I live my very life.
My parents divorced when I was 12, and part of the reason for the divorce was because my father committed adultery (does that sound better than saying he was a cheating ba$tard?) Knowing that he behaved in such an amoral way made me well aware of what type of relationship I would want when I was grown and I can certainly say it makes me aware of the impact of such behavior on the kids in a family. I never want my kids to feel like I did something that “ruined” our family. I wonder if other people think like this when they get involved in an extramarital affair. Do they think about their kids or only their spouse? Do they think only of themselves and their wants and needs? Does this make them selfish, immature, or flat out stupid? Am I being overly judgmental (I’d guess probably yes but I don’t seem to know how to have sympathy or empathy in this situation at all)
DH thinks I need to be more supportive of the adult in the situation, I think we all need to quit excusing people’s poor behavior just because life isn’t easy for them. How many of us have gone through hard times and NOT used it as an excuse to do something that can hurt every person we love?
But hey, maybe I just had a different attitude about parenting. I was able to choose to get pregnant, choose to be married and grown up first and I have been able to make many choices throughout my parenting time that allow me to put my kids first. And even still I sometimes fail and don’t do things I probably should.
Life is just crazy sometimes isn’t it? Oh well – while I have in the midst of the family drama lost my house/dog sitter I have one possible (and probably poor choice) to replace them and one pretty good choice to replace them. Somehow it will work out and my family can go on our vacation, get away from the crazy and have some great quality time together!
Tags: crazy, family, fifteen, judgmental, vacation
